Mawwage is what bwings us togever today

Mawwiage, that blessed awangement, that dream within a dream . . . . . and they lived happily ever after . . . right?? Well at least that's how Hollywood says it's supposed to go.

(Yes I realize the date is wrong on this picture it was actually 1998)

This weekend Joel and I attended a marriage conference at Focus on the Family. It was good to hear so many good speakers give a more accurate depiction of marriage. Francis Chan, author of Crazy Love spoke about how instead of focusing on our marriage, we need to make sure our marriage has a focus. He encouraged us to find the purpose and calling for our marriages and that ultimately we were joined together to bring glory to God. It was a moving message that left us feeling challenged and then we realized it was only 8:30 in the morning and we still had 6 more sessions to go, how could it get any better?

Next up were Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot and they talked about your marital love being defined by 3 parts, 1) Passion - the biological side of love 2) Intimacy - the emotional side of love or the feeling of having someone who gets you and 3) commitment - the willful side of love. They reminisced about times in their own lives when kids or careers or life just got in the way of feeling satisfied in their marriage. They encouraged open communication about the 3 areas of love. Their book The Love List talks about small things you can do every day, week, month and year to cultivate a loving relationship with your spouse, that research has shown only gets better and better with time. It's worth hanging in there!

Dr. Gary Chapman author of the 5 Love Languages talked about his new book The 5 Languages of Apology. The thing he spoke on that impacted me the most was when he talked about what forgiveness is not. 1) It does not destroy your memory 2) It does not always end in reconciliation 3) It does not remove all negative consequences 4) It does not remove painful emotions 5) It does not immediately restore trust. I just felt like this was a good reminder that forgiveness is still important and necessary to offer, but does not automatically let someone off the hook. It really is more for your own heart and offering it can help rid yourself of guilt and bitterness.

And then we had lunch!

In the afternoon there were even more good speakers, but probably the best take-aways from the day came from the talk by Dr. Juli Slattery. She talked about power in relationships and that women have power in men's lives by answering these 2 questions that are in men's minds every day 1) Do you believe in me? and 2) Will you be there for me? Likewise the men have power in the women's lives by answering their daily questions which are 1) Do you still love me? and 2) Am I safe with you? It really resonated with both Joel and I and was just something we had never really heard before.

I've often said that because we were so young when we married (Joel was 18 and I was 19) that we kind of grew up together and that if we would have met in our late 20's we might not have connected. The person I am 11 years later is not the person he married, but our commitment to each other is as strong as it has ever been.

I do think marriage can be that "dream within a dream" but it isn't automatic, it does take effort, but it is also so worth it to have someone on this earth who is in your corner and has your back. I can't imagine trudging through life with anyone else.